comfortably numb

I write from bed. As I can’t seem to get out of it. It’s 10am, and I’ve been “awake” (the definition becomes blurry when you have insomnia) for four hours. Staring alternately at the walls and the back of my eyelids. I haven’t felt any real anxiety for five days now (a huge relief). But as the celexa enters its later stages of rewiring (just over a month and a half in), I’m starting to experience a common long term effect : chronic apathy. I can watch the wall for hours like it’s my favorite movie.

Honestly, for now, it’s a good trade. The anxiety was flattening me too. Just in a different, worse way. At least I’m capable now of doing things, should I want to do them (or need to...). Supposedly, as my body continues to adjust, the apathy may fade some. But probably not completely. I’m going to try taking the pill in the evening instead of the morning, as many people on the net have suggested. That helps a lot of people sleep. If that doesn’t work, I’m considering adding yet another drug, Wellbutrin, which has shown success in countering the apathy and sexual side effects of SSRI (more drugs, yay!) by increasing dopamine levels (the other “feel good” neurotransmitter).